Introducing Alfonzo

The other day I got in a cab on Quinnpool Road in Halifax, the conversation went something like this:

Me - “Take me to the Aliant Building on Spring Garden and Barrington.”
Him - “I don’t know where that is.”
Me - "It’s on Spring Garden Road.”
Him - “I can’t remember how to get there.”
Me - "Are you new to the city?”
Him - “No.”
Me - “How long have you been driving a cab?”
Him - “15 years.”
Me - “In Halifax?”
Him - “Yeah.”
...............
Me - “Huh”

I proceeded to give the cab driver exact directions downtown. I must say that the ride was anything but pleasant. I’d tell him to turn right and he’d get in the left lane and turn left. He was heavy on the brakes and his driving was frantic and all over the road. He’d go to signal and turn on the window wipers and then not know how to shut them off, he’d stomp on the gas and then hit the brakes, it was as if he’d never been in a car before.

We ended up on a dead end street. Despite me telling him to keep going straight he turned down it and I told him to stop but he kept going down to the very end, we had to back up with pedestrians jumping out of the way. He had forgotten to turn the meter on, he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt and he managed to stall the car several times. It was an newer model automatic so that left me even more confused.

We finally arrived at our destination when he rolled up over the curb leaving the car three quarters of the way on the sidewalk with the radio blaring static and the window wipers going (it was sunny out) and the car was idling high in neutral.

I was in utter disbelief, this guy had been driving a cab in Halifax for 15 years but yet he hardly knew how to drive, he didn’t know his way around the city center. He almost killed us and had to use my help the entire time. I thought it was maybe a language barrier but it was obvious that English was his first language. He wasn’t drunk, he wasn’t high and he seemed to have his wits about him otherwise.

In my state of awe I called his supervisor:

Me - “I’m calling about Joseph ________”
Him - “yeah, what about him?”

“I was in the cab with him today and it seemed like he didn’t know how to drive at all or follow simple directions. His poor abilities threatened the entire city.”

“Yeah, Joey’s not the best with cars.”

“Don’t you think you should have cab drivers that know the city and can drive?”

“I guess...look buddy, Joey works here and he does his job, so get off our case.”

CLICK

They hung up on me! I couldn’t believe it. They had someone hired for a skill. And he couldn’t do that skill. Furthermore, I had to practically do the skill for him and I’m sure the rest of the cab drivers have to pull his weight to keep the company up and running let alone the frustrations the customers had to deal with.

............Ok, I confess. The preceding story isn’t exactly true, Joseph isn’t a cab driver he’s the guy in the cubicle/office/building next to you. Actually your office is probably full of “Josephs”. People that were hired to do a job, but instead of a car they use a computer and they have about as much of an ability to pilot it as Joseph has driving a car. Would you hire a carpenter that doesn’t know how to use a hammer? A cabby that couldn’t drive? Then why are you hiring a communications director that can’t work Powerpoint? Or a sales manager that doesn’t know the difference between “reply” and “reply all”. A photographer that doesn’t know an F-Stop from a bus stop? Hell, if your job at McDonald's was to make fries and you couldn’t do that you’d get fired But in the professional world we keep these people (not) doing the jobs they are supposed to be doing. The scary thing? We are hiring more and more and more of these unskilled laborers, these untrained monkeys!

-Alfonso

Alfonso McInnis was born in Cape Breton in November of 1990. Alfonso was named after the actor that played the character Carlton Banks on the show Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. His parents, teenagers at the time, were huge fans of the show and raised him as hip hop as they could in Petis-De-Gras. He grew up in a small home with hip-hop influences from his father and Cape Breton kitchen music from his mother. He excelled at school and is now in his 2nd year at UCCB where he hopes to be the Fresh Prince of Sydney and eventually Cape Breton. He likes Bringing it to the Table, good music, hot girls and dislikes Chevrolet Cavaliers that have been modified, as well as stupid people.

Highlights from the 2008-2009 NBA Season – A Future Retrospective

The NBA Season is underway and now that baseball is over it has officially become the best time of the year for sports. Midway trhough the NFL season, some fresh faces in the NBA, and a lot of games to look forward to. But what will happen? Any surprises...I think so. here's a couple future predictions for the NBA season.

November 19, 2008 - Greg Oden returns after four weeks due to foot sprain only to suffer season ending injury.

Greg Oden, the number one pick in the 2007 NBA draft suffered yet another unfortunate injury on Tuesday. During his game against the Charlotte Bobcats, Oden shattered his entire left leg in what some may call a freak accident. But with Oden’s history of injury, none were surprised at the outcome. Oden suffered the injury in the third quarter when running up the court to get in position. Oden, while neither being defended or even having the ball, slipped on a rogue banana that seemed to appear out of nowhere like it was Super Mario Kart. The slip sent Oden in a turbulent spin down the court. Oden managed to take out Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, Adam Morrison, and even Raef LaFrenz (who was on the bench) during his slip-and-slide fall. When Oden struck LaFrenz who was eating a White Castle Double Cheeseburger on the bench, he physically catapulted into the air and into the crowd further striking spectators and Bud Lights. Oden landed in the 19th row inside a man’s nachos which happen to be just recently purchased. This was key to Oden’s injuries because although the man was upset at losing his $10 nachos, the hot cheese burned Oden’s leg so bad that press has not yet captured a photo of the horrific aftermath. Oden will miss the rest of the NBA season but since he can’t play, gets to watch the seventh season of 24 in its entirety, without the need to Tivo.

February 24, 2009 - Kobe Bryant scores 102 points, breaking the all time record set by Wilt Chamberlain in 1962.

Kobe Bryant, who held the second spot of most points in a game with 81, set in 2006, took the first overall spot on Monday scoring 102 points against the San Antonio Spurs. The excitement started when at the end of the first quarter, Bryant had scored an astonishing 44 points against the Spurs which were defending a 12-0 run. Bryant who has recently been issued his own logo consisting of a Kobe Bryant silhouette standing on an NBA logo in a conquering pose decided to show the true meaning of this logo choice. Kobe seemed to be waiting for this opportunity. The Spurs with their winning streak, and their current standing at 2nd in the NBA were confident in their approach but did not know what the Lakers had planned. By the end of the third quarter Bryant had reached the 102 point mark. During the fourth quarter, Bryant did not take the floor once. Instead he got pizza for the entire San Antonio Spurs crowd individually wrapped with a ‘Thank you for witnessing my greatness” card attached to each one. Amazingly, Bryant didn’t even order the pizza, he cooked it from his own recipe, which after the exposure it received during the game, has become a permanent addition to the Domino’s Pizza menu. The Black Mamba sells a large for $12. The only size available.

Final score: Lakers – 105, Spurs – 67

November 22, 2008 - Stephon Marbury opens hip-hop clothing store.

Stephon Marbury opens hip-hop influenced clothing store on the New York Knicks bench. Marbury, on Saturday took an entrepreneurial approach by combining his love for hip-hop with his love for the NBA. Since Marbury has not left the Knicks bench since the November 22nd game against the Washington Wizards where he scored an amazingly low 1 point, he decided to make the time go just that much quicker. Marbury’s store which he called “Hate on Me” had its grand opening on Saturday with appearances from Kanye West, Da Brat, P.Diddy, and all 26 of the Wayans. Knicks coach Mike D’Antoni says, “I have to give Stephon credit. I like his ambition. It’s great to see someone who is a plaque on the floor do something else with his time. And this store is exactly what we need for Stephon. And I really like these pants; they are fly.” D’Antoni was quickly corrected about the use of the word “fly” by Damon Wayans and explained to that it is no longer 1990, and Bell Biv Devoe has not had an album in quite some time. D’Antoni now uses the word “pimp” in place of “fly”.

December 9, 2008 – Veteran Steve Francis traded to the Utah Jazz.

All details have not yet been confirmed, but The Utah Jazz have acquired veteran Steve Francis in a blockbuster trade that sees Francis join the Utah Jazz and in return the Rockets receive an iPod Shuffle and a $25 voucher for Six Flags. Initial reaction in Houston is in favour of the trade with one fan saying, “I was worried that we would lose Steve Francis for next to nothing. You seem to see these deals happen and one team gets hardly anything for a star player. But I’m glad to see that we got at least a $75 value. To me that’s fair...actually more than fair” After six weeks of talk the two teams finally agreed to a deal that NBA analysts are saying, “Greatly take Utah into a state of incomprehension.” Further comments include, “Why would Utah want to put themselves in that situation? You might as well put a Volkswagen on your roster.” The Rockets $25 voucher at Six Flags which will be put towards an entire team outing/intervention for new team member Ron Artest.

Observing

I read a lot of books, and I've read a couple on the social impact of the web. Wikinomics is a perfect example. but I read it, I take it in, I share it with people. I share information I've gathered myself in conversations with other people. Now people I share with may listen, may nod their head, and say they agree, but something keeps them from actually truly considering the information. What is it?

Now I get info from books that have been written by professionals in the field of whatever topic I am reading about. But no matter how much I could say, "I read it in a book" its not going to be as much of an impact as say, "I took it in school", or "my professor taught me about it". And why is that? Because a degree and a piece of paper means that you learned it technically, not for your own benefit. So it must have legitimate merit, right? Well yes and no.

But what is school? Who are professors?

School is a place where we learn. We learn from professors who have learned from books. Along with books, they have learned from other professor's when that had gone to university. My point is, knowledge is just information passed down....for the most part. Even new discoveries of medical breakthroughs for example, through experiments, testing, samples, test subjects, etc. come from prior knowledge. We build on what is known and take that to new levels of understanding and both usefulness with creation of treatments for diseases and sickness, to devastation such as the atom bomb. It's up to the individual receiving this knowledge. How do they want to handle it? How do they process it? What do they do with it?

Now the internet...in the 1990's, the internet was becoming mainstream. This is all "new" information. What I mean by new is: for the general public, this is a world of opportunity and openness that no one has ever seen or imagined before. Now, with this "new" information called the internet, how do me manage lives we already had, lives we already learned how to adapt to, and lives that have been passed down (parent's believes, ways, acts, etc.)? There is no history of the internet, there's no religion of the internet. There's was no text books on how to deal with the internet, there was no documentation of the social impact of the internet. Our lives have now been taken from our geographical boundaries of literally our own neighbourhood to the limitless boundaries of the entire world. With that comes a clash of everything prior. Beliefs, rules, etiquette, news...everything is now there for us to witness, to read, and as result believe if we choose. And my point is, that people believe for the most part, what's on the internet. People will read an article not knowing who wrote it, what it's source data were, or anything. If they see something they don't like, they go on to the next site.

Think of how many times you click on multiple Google links to read one story or read about one person. People continue to research until they find the information that internally agrees with them; their beliefs; their way of what should have happened in any given situation. And this is completely normal human behaviour. People don't like to be uncomfortable, and gathering information they don't agree with is uncomfortable. People have got to manage themselves technologically. Books are still very powerful sources of information. Blogs are great, online forums are great. But the people managing these venues are for the most part, not professionals in their field. We have to know what information to take literally and which information to be weeded out as potential fraudulence. Is this easy? Not at all.

We, as people in general, are getting more stupid. This is not my opinion, but a proven fact. Schools are experiencing all time low test scores. Mathematics and verbal scores are declining. As a lighter look into the intelligence of people look at our sources of entertainment. Mindless reality shows, dancing competitions, are you smarter than a fifth grader. THIS is what entertains people. What happened to A&E documentaries about World War II? What even happened to Saturday morning cartoons? Remember when CNN had actual news instead of talking about celebrities? Beverly Hills Chihuahua was the number one movie last week in all of North America. No Godfathers, No Shawshank Redemptions, No Citizen Kane's. Each year we see the Academy Awards nominate and award movies that alot of people have never heard of. These are movies with substance, thought, art, and passion. Do these movies make any money? No. Yes there are exceptions to this overall observation. These are too much for people now. It's all about the quick fix. Two minute you tube clips of accidents and people falling off skateboards, face book albums of last nights drunken mess, Blackberrys that people are lost without. I seen a show last month about how they took a guy's Blackberry. The only source of communication he had was a pay phone. Let's just say, he didn't handle it all that well.

Movies are about 80 minutes now, songs are about 3 minutes. Can't have them much longer though can we? Don't want people losing interest. We text each other when we could easily talk instead, we make Face book events for things that can easily be verbally communicated. We literally spy on people through the internet. It's a shame that this is the way, but it IS the way. The internet has transformed our social interaction, our overall beliefs, and the information we share. There's nothing we can do as individuals but embrace it. But embracing it should mean realizing when it is for the bad. Talk to people face to face, go out for coffee, take trips, read to your kids. Nine years olds have cell phone now. I'm sure you know what you can do with a cell phone....literally everything. Take pictures, access the internet, text friends. Why have friends when you can have virtual friends?

Now all of this information is purely a personal observation. Do not take this information as fact. Keep in mind that information in this post was written on the premise of prior knowledge...some found right here on the internet. Everyone has an opinion, and this is just one of mine. You are well entitled and encouraged to leave comments. Thanks for reading.

Bringing Hip Hop to the Table (v.Rob 1.0)

First off I want to thank Tom for asking me to contribute a reoccurring discussion on Hip Hop. And I want to thank you for reading.

Next to my son, the only passion I have is Hip Hop. I am no MC, I am no DJ, nor can I break or tag, but I have been consumed by the culture since I was 8 years old, and even though I was told all through my life that I would outgrow my musical tastes, I can tell you I sit here, at 31 years of age, and every bit in love with the music as I was over 20 years ago. It's that kind of dedication I want to offer you the loyal reader of Bringing it to the Table. I hope these entries will change any negative attitudes towards hip hop, or help you re-discover that lost feeling you had, expose you to some artists you may have never heard of, discuss the golden era, & discuss the now era, while keeping it all about the love of the music. So with that said, lets get down to business shall we?

"Back in the day" - A term many Hip Hop listeners will refer to when talking about great and "classic" albums. For me, this refers to roughly 1990 through 1995. In these 5 years, the Hip Hop community released some of the most timeless material of the genre. I can tell you that since 1995 and through 2008, we still don't have as many important albums released in those 12 years as we did in the 5 years prior. These were years that so many people from all over the world found an artist or group and bonded with the music in a life long dedication that we just do not see anymore. Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, Nas, Snoop, Dr Dre, Wu Tang Clan, Redman, Biggie, De La Soul, Souls of Mischief and Hiero, Pharcyde, Brand Nubian, Outkast, 2pac, Naughty, Gangstarr, KRS One and BDP, and on and on. These are artists that for those of us who were there when they were the "New Artists" shaped and taught us what a Hip Hop group can sound like, and what the music could be, and I promise you we will review all those artists as time goes on here at To The Table.

One of the kids who studied the above artists and taught himself the art of Boom Bap, is none other than Halifax’s own Classified, a true Hip Hop student who over his last three albums has become the teacher showing a whole generation of Canadian Hip Hop kids exactly how it should be done. It baffles me how Classified is so criminally slept on not only in the U.S. but here in Canada as well. Every time this man drops a new record, he sets the bar even higher for Canadian artists. Not bad for a Nova Scotian kid. Respect.

That “Golden” era of Hip Hop was rough, it was smooth, it could be fast, it could be slow, it was honest, and before anyone knew what it was or truly meant, it was absolutely, real, something I can’t say for most of the things we hear in todays catalog. But trust me folks, there still is good hip hop out there. The songs that gave me goose bumps as a kid such as T.R.O.Y, or Breakadawn can still be found today, you just have to know where to look. With today’s technology there is no reason to settle for the likes of Soulja Boy or the common aural diarrhea passed to us as Hip Hop. There are still artists who pour their heart and lay their soul on wax, and it feels every bit as good as a listener as it did all those years ago.

One of my favorite things to do when I have some down time is look through MySpace and just friend jump from artist to artist. It can be hard from time to time as there is just so much garbage out there, but everyone once in awhile you stumble across that gem that gives you a feeling like you just found the next great artist and you did so before anyone else. Even some of the garbage is better than the things they force feed us on the airwaves. So let me proceed with my first list here at To The Table, let me introduce you to the top 5 Hip Hop artists or groups you may have never heard of, but if you consider yourself a Hip Hopper, you need to check this list out.

#5 – Living Proof.
These guys hail from Portland Oregon, a duo that consists of Prem and Flotope. I found these guys completely by accident while searching YouTube for a video, instead I found this extremely low budget video and was immediately a fan. Upon searching I found their MySpace page and sure enough found their album, a debut called “Roots to Branches”. I immediately ordered this album was very pleasantly surprised. Some great conscious lyrics, fantastic production that includes everything from jazz to rock. I love their album, and their sophomore album remains one of my most highly anticipated albums due to drop in 09.

#4 – Cyne
By no means new to the scene, Cyne has been putting in work for almost 8 years. With 5 albums, a few EPs and plenty of collaborations it isn’t hard to see that this group from Florida has done the leg work and should be heard. A soulful but sometimes experimental sound lays the backdrop for the 2 MCs to lay their thought provoking vocals over.

#3 – Sene
One listen and it isn’t hard to tell that this man fell asleep as a child to groups like Tribe and De La Soul. A hypnotic voice that begs you to keep listning and pay attention while taking in every note of the music playing. Imagine the darkest deepest Blues or Jazz bar in New York with that band that just wants to jam all night. Saxophones blatting, drum skin taking a beating and a piano player whose fingers are immunue to the stress of playing a whole set with no break. Now put a smooth voice behind the mic and you will understand what it’s like to listen to Sene.

#2 – Time Machine
These guys are now one of my favorite groups. So far they have released “Know your Role” “TM Radio” and the most recent “Life Is Expensive”. Over their last 3 albums they have grown as a music group becoming more and more experimental. Always looking to capture the sound and essence that good Boom Bap Hip Hop should be, while still trying to find a sound that is unmistably all their own. I personally love their first album, with the horn heavy cut “Night Lights” but the single “The Groove That Just Won’t Stop” from their newest album is incredibly catchy and will almost certainly be something everyone can listen to. Give them a chance and start with the groups first album, then move on, and you can listen to these artists grow and expand on each album, getting better each time.

#1 – Crown City Rockers
This has got to be one of my best personal finds. These cats were once known as “Mission” and released the insanely good “One” album. Due to legal problems with a group over seas they changed their name to Crown City Rockers and never looked back. Their album “Earthtones” is alwayw within arms reach, and is one of those albums that no matter how bad a day you have had, no matter how stressful the day seems, just one listen, and you can’t help but smile and nod your head. A live band that throws every style possible at the listener, you can almost sense the love these guys have for the art form. They released one of my now all time favorite songs called “B-Boy” thats more of a personal anthem than it is a song. Just listen as Raashan explains almost word for word why we love Hip Hop.

Those goose bumps I mentioned near the start of this post, are bumping all over because of groups like this. It’s artists like the above that will keep our art form moving forward for the positive. And if more folks take notice, and the kids of today start checking groups like these, who knows, maybe we can have a new Golden era that will set examples for the next generation of Hip Hoppers. Lord knows that in 1993, “Window Shopper” would not have been anywhere near “Catch a Bad One”. But you know what they say, sometimes you have to take a step back, before moving forward.

Rob

Some Random Thoughts (Post #300)

Today marks the arrival of our 300th post here on the blog. That's some longevity. That's a lot of content. I can't believe we're coming up on two years of random thoughts already. Sweet! Also, I'm going to have some guest posting here on the blog starting this week. Something to bring a different insight to things, and elaboration on topics I don't know enough about. For example, my first guest post is going to be from Rob.

Along with myself, Rob and I have a great appreciation for hip-hop music. It's really not an interest but part of my life. It's something that holds many memories for both of us. I can still remember hanging out with Rob back when, listening to this new Outkast group and their album Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik, having the first Bone Thugs tape on loop the whole night, calling the Heavy Rotation line in The Source to get a listen of the new South Circle album. Ah the memories.

Rob is going to give some insight into hip-hop music, now and then. How the majority of hip-hop now is terrible, how classics are still out there to be found. Rob's here to help you. If you're a hip-hop fan, you'll want to tune in. Every month, Rob will be contributing. Look for the first post later in the week.

But until then, here's some random thought I had over the weekend:

Impressions – Never do impressions. Just don’t even think of it. Don’t try it at home, don’t think you can do it. Just save yourself and others the agony and never do it. Doing impressions is like stealing someone’s humour. I guess if you don’t have one of your own, steal someone else’s. Have you ever seen comedians on television doing impressions (usually Canadian, white guys)? How painful is that to witness. Like if we wanted to see an impression of Bill Cosby, we’d watch The Cosby Show. If we wanted to be humoured by Robin Williams we’d watch Mrs. Doubtfire or some sh*t. The thing is, we don’t want imitations of this sh*t when it’s easy to get the real thing. So it doesn’t matter how funny you think it will be, it is not. Don’t do impressions, period. Trust me, I’m doing you a favour here.

Thanksgiving – We all experienced it…we had the turkey. We really don’t need to talk about it for days after the fact. Thanksgiving conversation is like weather conversation that only comes once a year. Everyone talks about their Thanksgiving dinner and how great it was and all this sh*t, but it’s just conversation filler. There’s never surprises or anything out of the ordinary, it’s all the same sh*t every time you hear it.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua – When a movie with this title and the tagline, “50% Warrior, 50% Lover, 100% Chihuahua reaches number one at the box office over a movie starring Leonardo Dicaprio and Russell Crowe we have officially reached a new low. Universities and colleges are now irrelevant in this world. Like the movie 28 Days Later, the world has become overcome with zombies. But replace the zombies with stupid people. We are seriously getting more stupid by the day.

Audio Books – You ever listen to an audio book and realize how hard they are to get into? Like you’re excited about this book and start listening and then realize that the person reading is not enough like your own inner monologue. You feel a little uneasy because he doesn’t sound, or read as quick as you do. It’s just a weird feeling.

Tim Horton’s – I regret to inform you that I actually went into one of these store’s yesterday. Was it for myself…no. Will I ever do it again…no.

I love when someone is in line yelling to a lady and her three kids if they want anything in the order. Oh and the lady is about 20 feet away sitting down. Kids never change their mind right?

I love when people pay in nickels and dimes.

I love being behind someone who gets a Ham and Swiss, four coffees, an Iced Cappacino, and a box of timbits.

I love having nine employees (productive) and one on cash (counterproductive).

I love NASCAR themed clothes. They are very bright.

I love that TV they have up there on the menu. I always wondered how they dipped a f*ckin chocolate donut.

I love how happy everyone is.

I love how consistent the orders are. I love knowing if I get a bucket of a hint of cream cheese, and a donut the size of a toonie or a fritter the size of a baseball glove.

I love having a reason to have all those extra construction workers. One to work, eight to drink coffee.

I love how they ask if you want your pennies back. Yes I want my f*ckin pennies. I want my food, I want my drink, I want my f*ckin money. What kind of business is this?